i must say that even though im young…ive experienced and learned things.basically understanding the facts of life.its part of who i am and what i want to do with my life.its my passion.i love it :)
“By the consent of the authorities in heaven and on earth,we permit sinners to enter and be part of the congregation”.
Who are these sinners whom the opening words of the service admit and welcome?Everyone of the nearly one thousand people in attendence believe those words are addressed to him,or to her.Religion and conscience have given them the message that they have not always been the people that they should have been,and it is to religion that they turn for a message of forgiveness and acceptance.
the liturgy will speak repeatedly of our failings,our neglect of our duties,our hard-heartedness torward others.but if the words of the Day of Atonement are words of rebuke and failure,the “music” carries a very diffrent message.the people in synagogue have not come to be told that they have done things that were wrong.they know that too well.they have come to be assured that their misdeeds have not seperated them from the love of God.they are not looking to be judged and condemned.they are looking to be cleansed,to gain the confidence and the sense of forgiveness and acceptence that will enable them to begin a new year without the burden of last years failures.
There seems to be something in the human soul that causes you to think less of ourselves everytime we do something wrong.It may be the result of parents who expect too much of us,or of teachers who took for granted what we did right and fastened instead on everything we got wrong.And maybe its good for us to feel that way.it may make us more sensitive to what we do wrong and move us to repent and grow.But it may also lead to our setting unrealistically high standards for ourselves and for others.
Religion sets high standards for us and urges us to grow morally in our efforts to meet those standards.Religion tells us,”you could have done better;you can do better”.But listen closely to that message.Those are words of Encouragement,not condemnation.they are a compliment to our ability to grow,not a criticism of our tendency to make mistakes.we misunderstand the message of religion if we hear it as a message of criticism,even as we misunderstood our parents,thinking they were disappointed in us when what they were trying to do,however akwardly and maybe unrealistically,was perevent our one day looking back and being disappointed in ourselves for not having done our best.religion codemns wrongdoing.it takes us to task for lying and hurting people.But religon also trys to wash us clean of disappointment in oursleves,with the liberating message that God finds us worthy of his love.
“theres something i do before i start a session.i let myself know that i am enough.not perfect.perfect wouldnt be enough.but that im only human,and that is enough.there is nothing this human can say or do or feel that i can’t feel in myself.i can be with him.i am enough.”-carl rogers.
Dr.Remen adds,”i was stunned by this.it felt as if some old wound in me,some fear of not being good enough,had come to an end.i knew inside myself that he was absolutely true.i am not perfect,but i am enough.knowing that…allows healing to happen.”
alot of misery could be traced by this one mistaken notion:we need to be perfect for people to love us and we forfeit that love if we ever fall short of perfection.there are a few emotions more capable of leaving us feeling bad about ourselves then the conviction that we dont deserve to be loved,and few ways more certain to generate that conviction then the idea that everytime we do something wrong,we give God and the people closest to us reasons not to love us.
the fundamental message of religion is not that we are sinners because we are not perfect,but the challenges of being human is so complex that God knows better than to expect perfection from us.Religion comes to wash us clean of our sense of unworthiness and to assure us that when we have tried to be good and have not been as good as we wanted to be,we have not forfeited Gods love.
it would be so wonderful to feel good about ourselves again,to be able to rise above the voices of nagging parents,teachers,and other ghosts from our growing-up years and feel like we are people to be loved and admired.Religion properly understood can give us that feeling.it is perhaps the best and most valuable thing that religion ever does.
to say that God forgives us for our misdeeds is not a statement about God,about God’s emotional generosity.it is a statement about us.to feel forgiven is to feel free to step into the future uncontaminated by the mistakes of the past ,encouraged by the knowledge that we can grow and change and need not to repeat the same mistakes again.
over the years,jews and christians have misunderstood the story of adam and eve in the garden of eden.we have read it as the story of disobedience and divine punishment,and learned to believe in a God who would punish us severely if we ever did anything wrong.but if we could free ourselves from the notion that God punishes people for doing one thing wrong,if we could come to see God as a God whose love was constant enough to overcome inevitable disappointment,then we would not only like ourselves better,with all the good things that would flow from that.we would be better able to accept our parents’ imperfections,their inability to tell us that they love us and were proud of us,their unrealistic demands and expectations.we would be able to see those things as flaws in them,not criticisms of us,and we would be able to love them despite their flaws even as we believed in God loved us despite ours.
i dont believe that the story of adam and eve is the story of two people who could have lived happily ever after after they had done everything right instead were punished forever for making one mistake.i dont think it means to teach us the lessonthat if we were ever to do something wrong,God will stop loving us and will punish us instead.i dont take the story of the garden of eden as a newspaper report of an actual event (though i know some people do),describing the human race as begining with two full grown,hebrew speaking adults and a talking snake.but i do believe that the story of the garden of eden tells us something profoundly true abut the emergence of the human race,and that we will become more comfortable with ourselves as imperfect human beings only when we have learned to understand what the story is really about.if we are to realize the fullness of our humanity,if we are to see our mistakes and even our imperfect successes in an overall context,we can do no better than to begin where the bible begins with one man,one woman,one God,and one rule in a brave new world.
For some odd reason,im starting to believe that some people isnt worth ANY of my time.i mean,lying to someone about the smallest things.i dont know why,but why promise something so easy,and cant keep it?or set up a plan with someone and not even show up and dont bother to explain?to be honest,i “try” to keep my word.even if its impossible to keep,i try and make it possible,ill break my head if i have to.that reminds me,to impress someone,or to get something from them,do you really have to lie your way to get there?i believe honesty is the key.it can be easy,all you have to do is the right thing to not get your self into trouble.or if someone ask you something personal,you dont have to answer.you dont have to lie about your life either.it will get you into bigger trouble.be smart,be wise,be real,dont lie and everything will be alright.
okay,so im heading downstairs cuz i was getting ready to go to the park (to finally release stress) and im over here talking to my sister,”WHY ARE YOU MAKING FOOD WHEN WERE ABOUT TO LEEEEAVE?!!!?”.so like a butthead i am,i get curious.(“hmm…why is there a circle looking thing over lapping the plate?”)i open the microwave and i see 5 STACKS of pancakes!!!! “WTH?!!? PANCAKES????? your supposed to be in a diet,and you eat 5 pancakes at 5:17 pm?!?!are you nuts?!!?”.so i got mad and i told her “NO PANCAKES FOR YOOOOOU!!!!”,and i threw it back in the freezer.she screamed and ran to the bathroom and locked herself in there.um…you didnt want a sandwich insted?why are you crying for pancakes?!! smh your 11yrs old!! thats the age i started my womanhood and your crying over pancakes?!!? yeeeshh.
my heart is very big when it came to caring and loving another.i thought that if i just pretended to move on that it would of worked and he would miss me (even alittle).i had this hope that stayed with me since the break he gave.i wrote him a message,for the last time and hope that everything would be okay and i prayed for his familys safety but then i realized the next day that,he never cared enough to even call me,when there was an earthquake he only cared about his phone being cut off or a hurricane with the tornado warning.there was no love in his heart for me anymore.the last bit of hope that i had,was gone.i went to his page and felt anger.”why do you treat me so badly? i didnt do anything to you!! you hurt me for the last time”,i thought.i deleted him and blocked him.i felt free.so much weight lifted off my back.why would i keep him there when he didnt want to talk in the first place?i didnt deserve none of his cold hearted-ness.all i have to say is…
“goodbye,David.Im done with your b/s and your lies.You had an Amazing,faithful,cool,commited,and intelligent young lady,for the first time in your life and you messed it up for yourself.no more kissing up to you.this woman is gonna find someone better than you that will love me and actually mean it.”
Feel like your gut is always sticking out your shirt? is your flabby arms waving at everyone else when your only waving at one person? does your neck remind you of a turkey? no one find you attractive or only think your cute? i used to be that girl everyone picked on,especially when it came to my pillow feeling arms.I PUT MY FOOT DOWN.i wanted to be thinner and feel sexier ;) ima tell you how i lost 8 pounds in my everyday life….
I do this everyday and take at least 2 days off to relax my muscles.i went from 155pounds to 147.i feel amazing (emotionally and mentally) and look awesome ;) if you have any questions and want to know more,hit a nigga up lol.ill be glad to help :)
Okay,so you know when people have a serious “nobody likes me cuz im ugly” problem,you wanna be the nice,kind,sweet person who lifts them up and tell them “no,you look cute…dont say that your an amazing person…they dont know what they missing..etc”.well,dont you “dislike” it when they take it the wrong way?i have that problem.i was only trying to be nice cuz i know how it feels to have a low self-esteem.it went from,”wow,your really sweet” to “i like you alot” and then “when we getting MARRIED?!”.woah,woah,woah!! married?! dude i just met you for two days!!.well,because im such a nice person and dont want to break hearts (unlike somewho really is cold hearted) i want to show this person that rushing into a relationship with someone you hardly know,isnt the best choice someone would make. im gonna tell you why….
okay,so someone have Asked me if i moved on.dont it takes a process?the answer is no.im working on it.not like,flirting with guys or something,but learning to move on by loving myself.if i wanted to move on quick,doesnt that mean i just wasted my time with someone i didnt love?wouldnt that seem desperate? eh…oh well lol.im taking my time,i never stood single for awhile.i want to enjoy my freedom :3
i know life isnt about running back,or going a diffrent direction (when its the same path).i want to start fresh.i want to do things my heart is happy about and no guilt at all.i want to learn to get over the fact that he doesnt love me anymore,stop forcing it.i want to listen to my spirit and let it lead me to the unknown paths to my future.i want to do alot of things,believe me.but i keep going BACK.as if i depend on the same routines.i start now and who knows i go back to the way i was in a week or two.i gotta put my foot down.the voices in my heart,gets stronger and ferm everytime i mess up.but i have to try.if i want to be happy,i have to.i gotta let go of alot of things from my past,drop alot of people thats pulling me back,pick up my pieces and put them together again,ON MY OWN.then when its whole,i know no guy,or dream made my heart complete…but my father in heaven did.everything i do,from now on,will be for him <3